put on a smile and push it

I don't understand life. I really don't. I'm okay with growing up,

I just wish someone would have warned me that sooner or later, innocence dies.

have a very merry christmas

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
LISTEN TO IT:
White Winter Hymnal-Fleet Foxes
Come On! Let's Boogey to the Elf Dance!-Sufjan Stevens
Christmas(Baby, Please Come Home)-Death Cab for Cutie

Get spirit'd. :)

and to all a good night

You better watch out,

You better not cry,

You better not pout,

I'm telling you why..

Christmas is tomorrow !

Though nobody really seems in the spirit. Yeah, we have trees coated in metallic plastics and glitter, and our houses are illuminated with hundreds of golden lights lighting up the block, but where's your heart at? You can wrap your house in glitter you can make it glow, but none of that really matters. Heck, I'm definitely not in the Christmas spirit. Not even presents can get me excited this year. Bah humbug.

I never remember Christmas anyways.

hell blew a fiery breath

I pretended to lose my fortune years ago,

So that at my funeral, nobody will suspect special effects

When Hell opens up and swallows my body.

Centralia, Pennsylvania.

Population: 9

Coolest town ever. I mean, seriously, go wikipedia it. Mind you, I have an obsession with ghost towns, dilapadated houses, old things, etc. Definitely on the top of my list of places to visit when I'm free to drive sans adults. This town was actually reasonably normal before 1981, when they noticed there is a GIANT FIRE burning right under their feet, since 1962. It's weird, actually. In 1981, a twelve-year-old boy by the name of Todd was in the backyard of his house like any other day when suddenly, the ground totally caved underneath him, leaving a four foot gap in the earth, leading straight down to the heart of the fire. This fire wasn't like any other fire, considering it'd been burning already for almost 20 years, unnoticed by anyone, in the underground mines of the town. It's still burning to date.

This town was deemed so unlivable, they condemned every building, contributed 42 million for relocation, and revoked the town's zip code. :D

AWESOME ?!

"A small part of the Centralia mine fire as it appeared

after being exposed during an excavation in 1969"

nothing's the matter

They're singing Deck the Halls,

But it's not like Christmas at all.

I remember when you were here.

And all the fun we had last year.

Oh, Christmas time, where is our snow?

It really doesn't feel like Christmas at all. Nobody's any happier then they were two months ago, I assure you. Our hearts are still as cold as they were when the temperatures soared to great heights and all we did was drop to our lowest. Honestly, Christmas time signifies another year ending, and all I can think of is what a shitty year it's been. Heartbreak, betrayal, abuse, ridicule, failure and fights. 2009 has had it's fair share of hardships, but I'm not gonna end the year in such a bad mood. I've got plans to lift my spirits with people who do nothing but. Fuck regret. Fuck unhappiness. I'm going to end this year in the best state of mind I've ever been in. I don't want the new year to be rung in and I'm standing there knowing I just ended my year in the worst way possible. Goodbye sadness, hello twenty-ten.

just let go

Life is pretty funky - It throws things in your way to make you stronger as you work around them, preparing you for the rest of it. It's full of suprises we come to either love or fear. It's something to be respected and cherished, something to not be taken lightly because we only have one shot at it. But that shot is our own to control. Make the best of what you've got, never have regrets and never look back. Every breathe we take is our own, marking just another moment of your existance. We don't need to rush through life. There's no pot of gold waiting at the end, there's no way to get there faster. When you get there, you'll just wish you could turn around and go back. Cherish everything, live in the moment and make the most out of life.

Everyone always fusses. The nagging fear of making mistakes is what sets back those who choose to listen. Mistakes are not to be feared, they're to be cherished. As hard as that may be, they define who we are. Nowadays, you are defined by how you handle your mistakes. Every wrong turn, bad timing and poor choice of words sets our future. Just becuase you tripped over your feet a few times doesn't mean you're headed for disaster. Life's what you make it. If you choose to let your misjudgments and missinterpretations keep you back, you're gonna gonna stay back. Think nothing of the future and forget about the past.

teach me, sweetheart

LOVE

Love is an important part of the human experience. Many waste their lives searching for it; searching for a concept they cannot grasp, when real love is right in front of them, staring them straight in the eye every single day. Everybody's just sitting around waiting for their perfect someone to come along so they can spend eternity in happiness with one another. Wanting to be dazzled and swept off their feet by Prince Charming. Lives spent searching and never finding it. How can they expect to? Especially when they do not even know what they are looking for in the first place; everyone's been told that when you find it, you'll know.

What does that even mean?

Love is all around them, if they would only be willing to open up their eyes and see it.

It is in the little things, those most important things, that they overlook and take for granted. Love is your friend driving you home from school everyday without you even having to ask; it is a hug when you are having a crummy week. Love is knowing that if you need to talk to them, whenever, wherever, they will take your call. It is trusting, laughing, dancing, crying, screaming, sleeping. Love is alive, and we have so much of it to give in return for all the things we receive in its name.

People say that those three dirty words are thrown around carelessly, that we constantly say "I love you" to anyone who'll accept it without meaning it in the slightest. That is a complete lie. Why spend your life saving up your love for the one person you're not even sure will ever come along? Our hearts were not filled with compassion, hope, and general love for nothing.

There is a huge difference between being in love with someone and loving someone, and while the former does not happen very often, the latter is often just as rewarding and far easier to do. Love is not set in stone; it begins, grows, changes into something great, fades, and unfortunately, ends. There are many different ways to love someone, because there are many different kinds of love. You don't have to restrict your heart to the kinds of love that make you want to shout it from the rooftops and devote everything you have to your lover. You can love your best friend, your dad, your next door neighbor who yells in incoherent languages at obscene hours of the night, your dog, your phys ed teacher, the kid who sits beside you in french who always knows the answers to your questions, the people who make you mad and the people who make you laugh until you cry.

You can love them and you should love them.

Love, like everything else in the world, is not perfect and never will be. Quit waiting for something that may not even happen. Quit holding yourself back because of love. Love is supposed to set you free, and it will if you let it. Your soulmate will come around if you let them. In the meantime: live, laugh, love. Give more and expect less and you will be surprised by the result. You will be surprised by your hearts ability to produce love and happiness in infinite amounts and your ability to feel what life is supposed to feel like. You will be surprised by people's ability to love you back even more because of it.

Love can happen if you let love in.

"All you need is love"

tattered clothes and broken hearts

So you "love" me?

I don't believe you.

You know what I hate?
People who complain about their problems when they have absolutely nothing to complain about. Like, some people go on forever about, "Oh, my dad was yelling at me yesterday and I cried for hours!" and they expect people to actually feel sorry for them.

There are people who have to worry about what they're gonna eat next, or if their mom is gonna get hit tonight. People who wait for the doorbell to ring and it be the police, people who get kicked out and live on the streets for days at a time. There are people like that who keep it to themselves. They don't go around digging up the slightest of problems just so the can cry to someone. There are people with real problems, and I know what it's like.

Go see a therapist or something.

Which leads me to:

I've decided I'm gonna be a psychologist. I'm not sure why, I think it's just because I've always been able to tell how a person is feeling when they couldn't tell themselves. I want to see insanity at it's finest. I want to feel it, experience it, learn to love it and hate it at the same time. Insanity is truly a beautiful thing.

i guess we'll just have to adjust

I don't wanna grow up! Shoot me for it, if you will, but I'm scared and although nobody really cares what anybody's scared of anymore, I'm going to share.

Something filled up
My heart with nothing
Someone told me not to cry

But now that I'm older
My heart's colder
And I can see that it's a lie

Children, wake up
Hold your mistake up
Before they turn the summer into dust

If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up
We're just a million little gods causing rainstorms
Turning every good thing to rust

I guess we'll just have to adjust

Oh, Arcade Fire. You never cease to amaze me.

Anyways, the song is about watching people grow up and seeing them repress the things that haunt them-and that's wrong. All it ever does is breed more pain, and it's inevitable too. I mean, we all want to die happy, but we all have struggles to get through first. Get it off your chest before it sinks any deeper.
"Children wake up, hold your mistake up."

music is the heartbeat of life

Oh, music.
I truly do love you.
And I don't know where I'd be without you.

I've recently developed a crush on Paul McCartney. Not present day, sixty-six years old McCartney, but early Beatles McCartney. Boy, was he a cutie.
The Beatles truly were an amazing band, and should never be forgotten. If I were alive for the death of John Lennon, I would have tracked Mark David Chapman down and shot HIM. I mean, he must have been the most hated man in the world for a while, and even to some now. He killed one of music's greatest influences, and that will never be forgiven. John Lennon was a legend in the music industry, and it was all gone with four pulls of a trigger.

And then I was reading Catcher in the Rye and my step-dad comes to me and says,

"Hey, did you know that the man who killed John Lennon carried that book around everywhere? It was like his bible."
Thanks, Colin.