Through the wind and the rain

She stands hard as a stone

In a world that she can't rise above

But her dreams give her wings

And she flies to a place where she's loved

Concrete angel.

a fragile soul

My guinea pig died today. I never really liked it. But the weird part is, I cried. More than five times. We always had this whole I-hate-you-you-hate-me thing going on, but I miss it. I know, I'm rambling over a rodent, but.. I don't know. I always leave my room expecting to hear her knawing on her water dispenser or scurrying around her cage but I don't, and.. I don't like it..

My brain's automatically putting those sounds around the house now. She would sit there squeeking forever and it was weirdly comforting, as annoying as it was.

I can't help but feel guilty, too. We were never really home to regularily do things for her and it was Cory's pet, so when I was home, I expected her to do it, but she never did. I feel bad because I can't imagine the pains he must have been in in the last bit of her life..

I'm crying again. I know it's retarded, crying over a rodent and writing in your blog about it but.. it kills me.

A lot.

red rockets flare

GAHD. I hate being anemic, short and thin skinned. Every picture I take turns out awkward considering my height, and the fact that my skin is vein-y. Seriously. I honest-to-God hope that this goes away before I turn twenty. I really do.

Moving on.

Today, I saw a lady in Subway. She had a rhinestone riddled baseball cap with an American flag pattern on it, an American flag bandana around her neck, a shit with an American flag on it. She was also wearing a red vest with blue pants. Her family, on the other hand, just had red, white and blue beads around their necks. I got the message once I saw the hat, though.

As they left, I turned around to see their truck had a full size American flag draped over their cargo. As they went to leave the parking lot, I spotted the license plate:

Texas.

Damn olympics.

but heaven knows i'm miserable

Shit.

This is the entire reason I've never really gone to parties.

let's get out of this town

Ugh.

That's all I can say: Ugh.

I can never do anything right. I make my friends mad, I make my family mad, I make my teachers mad and it gets me NOWHERE. I don't intend to, either. It's just the stupid things I do on a daily basis.

Wrote this today, though.

Enjoy. :

The dark of night was falling fast,

Under the highway overpass,

A youth, with eyes of fire and ice,

Seeing hearts as a strange device.

His brow was sad; hungry eyes beneath,

Shone bright as a dagger from its sheath.

He parted his lips and the sound that rung,

Was the accents of an unknown tongue

A melody danced through the air of the night,

Memories tumbled; nostalgic and bright.

Frigid air cuts deep into bone,

For now, he'll hold and shout alone.

somewhere over the rainbow

I've decided I'm most definitely getting a tattoo someday. See, I don't want anything huge, or tacky, or bright, or anything. Basically, what I want, is birds. Like, a flock of birds flying up my arm (1cm-2cm silhouettes), that curves around my arm to the back and onto my shoulder blade, where they disperse and stop. It's hard to describe, but I really like it.

baby, it's cold outside

Everyone just looks so sad lately. Thing is, nobody says it. You can walk past someone, or say hello, and with that, you can almost tell if their heart is breaking. I see it every day, with every one. Nobody's happy anymore, ever since the sun fell behind clouds and winter's chill took over. I guess it froze everyone's hearts, too.

i fought the war, but the war won

Don't you just hate it when life goes awry and you really feel like everything is caving in around you? I get it far too much. And I mean, I totally know what you're thinking too, "Oh, you're just a teenager, you're so melodramatic. ANGST ANGST ANGST" but no. I'm well aware there's millions of people who have had it much harder than me, but when you're family is like mine, and you're essentially forced to go between houses during the week and you only get to see your dad and your four-year-old brother every three weeks, sometimes six., it gets to you eventually.

Lately everything's just been.. twisted. Mom and Ron(Her boyfriend) have been screaming at eachother, which terrifies me. He hit her once, and I cried for an hour and all I could do was think it was my fault. Problem was, it actually was. I remember when I was twelve or so, mom was in a relationship with Will. They'd be dating for a long time, and I would go to sleep with them screaming at eachother in the other room, and sometimes, we'd wake up to furniture from inside being on the lawn. Apparently, they'd throw it at eachother.

I know, I preach like crazy about being happy and getting over your past but all this has been getting to me lately, because it's all just hit at once. On the brightside, my most recent ex just started dating someone else, which gave me the strangest sense of freedom. People keep asking me if I'm mad about it, too, but I couldn't really care less. I've been really unsure about my feelings for him for the past couple months and this just helped me let go. That's.. about the only great thing lately, though.

Ahh, well, in the words of Modest Mouse;

"We'll all float on okay."

oh, life

I've realized something. I'm THAT girl. The one that everybody knows, everybody likes, but nobody wants to talk to.

welcome twenty-ten

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's the end of another decade, guys. Another ten years passed. Another year on the horizon. Make the best out of it. Stick to resolutions, fall in love, better yourself, better the world, and be happy.